:: jotting the lines ::

After all the household chores, I spent the rest of my day with my “dear” friends. They are so dear until they started to gunny sack me, bring back all the good- old- days story and each of us just tried to get it away by shooting one and another! I could only defend myself with the only weapon in me- pretend not listening by laughing it away and of course not giving in to any side. And what else they can use to attack me besides picking on my body (AGAIN!) - why vicky never seems to loose weight or quote my words “i want to loose weight” but i was never really serious about it, I’m not determined enough to do that.

“Hey, Min Jie (my chinese name) why ar? U know u told us u want to loose weight, but I didn’t see any changes in you. Many years already, u know? ” Kim grinned.

I know, I know…. I remembered I said it since 1995, and it’s coming to a decade now!!!

I lost my weight at a time but I gained it back when I wasn’t too watchful. They called it a yoyo effect. I even bounced up to 76kg whilst my stay at Melbourne, that was a tremendous one at its peak and probably it was due to the food consumption that I took, I was so indulged with food, I ate impulsively…It is an eating disorder I discovered later. I was very stressed in between my studies and work. I had to juggle both or otherwise I’d jeopardise my academic perfomance but if I lost my job I couldn’t sustain either. I tend to put anything into my mouth, munching the food would make me feel secured.

I learnt a lesson here - I have not been taking care of my body, the temple of God. (1 Co 3:16)

Rev. Ong preached on the sermon entitled: Places to Go, Things to Do today in the evening service. I sense the Holy Spirit is speaking to me when I relate the message to what my “dear” friends has said to me earlier.

Especially, when pastor gave this example “awwww i wanna loose weight, but I love food too.”

God, you’re so real! This is exactly my line! But I felt so awful when You pronounce my line to the public (or me). Looking back to the past will not bring me any future. Ok, I am going to do this now - I will not nurse my past, I will not curse my past and I’ll not rehearse it, I’ll let God reverse it by corporating with Him - to do what is right (excercise) and eat the right food.
I will be determined this time.

Is it a vow? Did I make a vow?

Ok now, if I start to play my part; you shall do the same by following the rules below.

FRIENDS,
Please do not insult my body anymore!
I do not fall into the obese category.

Please do not use anymore reverse psychology on me, it doesn’t work!
Don’t you realise your strategy is failed since it was never succeed for the past 5 years.

I have no idea how do I share this with you; my lame friends even have asked me to go and look for a job that they they think best suits with my asset - phone sex operator. OMG….
Frankly speaking my voice is really sweet on the phone. Moreover I have the gift in switching Beijing Mandarin to Taiwanese Mandarin or even Malaysia’s Mandarin accent (that’s the worst - I won’t speak it), thus they always like to comment that they like to hear me on the phone instead. >_<

You know what hurts me the most?

“Hey, you know…people wish to hear your voice and they are really attracted to your sweet voice. But you better not let them see you for goodness’s sake. Leave them good impression or else they will be disappointed.”

and what’s more ridiculous is :-

“Hey, you have a sweet voice and I’m sure you’ll do great in phone sales,” said the manager at an interview.

my reply was, “What? You mean I can’t do better in F2F and be limited in phone sales only?”

How do I put my foot down, show them my unhappy face?
Why can’t they treat me with dignity?!?!?!

i don’t expect many comments, many of u are either lurkers or “i don’t care!”
perhaps the message is not delivered at the right channels.

p/s if you come across to think i know this bunch of friends from the Internet means you’re shallow minded. I know them for 10-20 years from birth - school - uni.