:: jotting the lines ::

Hooray! I just got my car 2 days ago. My wish finally comes true. I got my license at the age of 19 but I barely got a chance to drive. My parents drive a car and my sister has her own car too, yet I was asked not to drive any of their cars. Perhaps, they are paranoid of me getting their cars into road accident, since then I have kept myself from driving. I was made to believe all the negative views of myself.

‘Do I know how to cut into other lanes?’
‘How do I park a car without kissing others’ car?”
My mind was full with ‘How this, how that…..’ I was really fearful of driving on the road. I didn’t even dare to visualize myself driving on a messy roundabout. Because I shivered when every time I think about that. I went through a proper driving test and got my license legally if you ever wondered how I got it.

I have never had a problems like now before, I find driving as big stumbling block in my life, why I do always have fear of driving? Why my heart beats faster than normal when every time I visualise myself driving on a highway, a flyover and worse still, a roundabout?

I wanted to get out of this fear and this anxiety. I need to grow up, imagine this is really embarrassing to tell others ‘Hey, I am fearful of driving’

How would others think about me? Faithless O lil child of God who doesn’t trust God could give her the ability to drive with no fears?

Please don’t laugh at my weakness. At least I am bold enough to share my weakest point with you.

Now, will you pray for me?

那天夜晚，并不黑暗。我在月光照亮下无意中察觉你消瘦驼背的身影。怎么一路来我都没察觉到呢？是我平常对你不够留心吗?　眼神正留意着你的脸颊，你的眼袋的确比往前深沉了好多，眼球也变得浅色去了。头上的白发似乎在告诉我是时候让你歇一歇了。这些年来我真地把你累及了，原谅我，爸。

从小到大，你总是为我准备好一切。从幼稚园念书开始，你总会为我准备英式早餐。　我只需要在上课前半小时起床，刷牙洗脸再吃过你为我准备的早餐后就能上学。你陪我等校车，就在大水沟旁等车时，你看见我想跳过那沟渠，但是胆小的我就好害怕不能跳得过去。你捉住我的两手，就在沟渠的另一旁接我。那天是我第一次学会跳越水沟。

待我上了小学，你也一样地为我准备早餐。那六年以来，都是你服侍我，照顾我上学。待我上中学时，也是你早上起来载我上学去。日日夜夜，你都马不停蹄的工作，照顾我们。你所做，所牺牲的一切的都从不向我们提及，你无怨无悔的把我们养大；也从不问到底我们会不会报答你，会不会像你照顾我们一样照顾你。

你还记得那一天，　当我接到电话说你在紧急室时，我是多么的担心。两支脚拼命在发抖，我害怕失去你。我不要失去你，我还要报答你对我的养育之恩啊！爸，天父知道我爱你，天父也很爱你。　我告诉天父爸爸，你是我最爱的亲人，我告诉天父爸爸说我要报答你，我要对你好一些。那么这一切荣耀就能全归主！

爸爸，原谅我对你的无礼，原谅我对你耍的坏脾气。爸爸，等我，　一定要等我。
爸爸，可不要忘了我们的诺言，我孩子可要叫你‘公公’的哟！
还要你教他们跳水沟！

爱你，爸。