:: jotting the lines ::

I have got 2 complimentary movie tickets from Buena Vista Columbia Tristar Films so I wonder who can be my movie partner before the tickets expire. I always like watching movies in the cinema theatre, be it thriller, comedy, drama, action or science fiction; I love them all.

Having a ‘not-so-happy’ mood after 6, I spontaneously drove into KLCC’s car park. I guess a movie treat can at least cheer me up a bit. The queue wasn’t long, and the ticketing officer was nice enough to let me watch Flight Plan with my complimentary pass. Sad or happy, I do enjoy watching it alone.

But just 1 hour prior to the show, I still not gave up my another pass. I started to make a few phone calls to my guy friends…

“halo…how are you?”
“ehh…vicky…long life leh, how have you been?”
“eh, cut the story short. Are you driving now? Back home yet?”
“yes, on the way home…”
“oh, cannot turn back?”
“no-lah..too far.”
“then, never mind.”
“hey, i heard you got a boyfriend ar?”
“uh? chi sin you think i will still call you if i have ar?”
“they all say wor…”
“chi sin, don’t waste my money…i call another one”
“okok..bye”

Another call made.

“hello kim, whats up?”
“ehhh min jie (my chinese name)”
“still working ar?”
“yalo…why?”
“no ma, want watch movie with me ar?”
“when? 7.40pm show, flight plan”
“oh..sounds good.”
“can you come within 45 mins or not?”
“where?”
“KLCC.”
“wah..so far..cannot la..”
“yah, I reckon. Never mind then…next time okie?”
“okok you enjoy…byebye”

Third call made
“Wei….where are you?”
“I’m in modesto having dinner with ann.”
“What? Ann? Ann Lee?”
“Ya..ya Ann Lee.”
“Wah…you have dinner with her never call me also la?”
“She called me for dinner one.”
“Oooo, okie loh..then you have fun, enjoy the dinner with her.”

Sigh….
Finally….
Fourth, but not phone call….sent an sms to this fella. I don’t really know him, I just thought maybe it’s nice to ask him to tag along.

“Hi Hi, I know this is a bit odd. I have a movit tix to watch Flight Plan, 7.40pm @ KLCC. Let me know if you’re interested. - Vicky”

After 3 mins…

“Hi vicky, it woud hv been nice if i had the offer earlier, i am now already back in puchong. I appreciate the offer. Some other time, maybe?”

Aww…..such a heartening reply from him.

“I should apologise because i am such a spontaneous person. I thought perhaps u r around this area. yadayada….” I replied.

Sigh….What kinda of world? Is the generation changed? Gender culture change or what? Girl asks guy out also difficult. Or was that only me?

Fine, watching movie alone is a norm to me now. I know I should be glad for that.

Maybe you are thinking why not girl friends….ah well, I have been out with many girlfriends of mine lately, and all on different occasions. It will take me an hour to send them home especially most of them have not got a car. Also, I know my vision at night is not as good as the day. I don’t think I wanted to drive them home after the movie, it usually ends quite late. Well, why am I explaning all these? Gee… girl friend, just in case you think I only have heart for man. That’s not true, you should know better.

Who cares anyway?

I know I am going to deal with the most unwanted ‘thing’ in life soon. Grandma’s ill is getting worse now. I don’t have much to offer her besides to visit her more often and to pray along with her. She diagnosed with G3 Endometrial cancer (womb cancer) early this year. She has fought and won in the battle. Everybody in the family rejoiced for her excellent result and celebrated for her victory. She has been strong all these while, especially her inner strength and the will power she has to sustain for being healthy again. I know she couldn’t leave her mental disorder son alone. Mom, dad, aunties and uncles have been telling her not to worry and all of us will take care of him. But it seems hard for her to believe that.

I have never dealt with death before…yes my tortises died when I was 6/7 years old. It was my second pet that my dad gave me. 2 tortise that we bought from Sentul night market. I believe it is a male and female. About a week later, my female tortise died. I see her not moving at all. I was worried and anxious because she was not moving at all. She usually hid her head inside the shell, but why she’s not alive anymore? That was my first time dealing with death. My dad came home and saw the tortise died, he saw my worried face too. He took the tortise out and he told me tortise is gong to another place. So he buried her in front of the houseyard. I squatted as I continued to watch how he was going to bury my pet. I didn’t even have a name for her. I just felt sad as it was there with me for a short time only.

Soon he took me out, just walked across Jln Pahang. I remembered those days had not many cars, we could still walk across the street without using pedestrian bridge. There was a very old wooden house with lots of aquariums inside, it was right behind the shoplots. My dad told me my nanny used to stay here. He bought me another pair of tortises. Their sizes are bigger than the ‘wu gui’ we bought in night market. The lady at the shop asked me which one I liked, I saw there are at least 20-30 tortises are swimming in the big aquarium. I pointed at a yellowish with some black spot on the shell , then I spotted another one which also had the similar color tortise. I happily carried one with me, and my dad carried another one for me.

I unwrapped the packet and put them one by one into a white, square container. There were 3 of them staying there since then. My dad told me they not just eat pet (toritise) meal, they also eat grass, leaves and shrimps. I really missed those days when my dad and I went to the field and plucked grasses for my tortises. I also remembered there was this young guy misunderstood that we were trepasser that tried to steal his plants. Geez. We were just so happened to be there only. Dad also would buy my pet ‘kangkung‘ leaves as their food. Maybe you wonder where’s my mom, she does not seem to be mentioned here. Well, she also fed my pet with shrimps. Especially after she peeled off the prawn’s shell, she would ask me to feed each with a prawn.

I always and I still believed that the smaller tortise is a female tortise, which we bought from the aquarium. So there were 2 males + 1 females tortises in the family. I liked to take them out for racing competition, the male were always the winner. They are good in recognizing my voice too, I don’t know how it worked. Perhaps I can never understand about animal instinct. Every time when I came back from school, they would actively trying to climb out from the container and greet me. There were a few times that the giant tortise hid under my bed.

I brushed their shells every time I cleaned the container. All of them were all afraid to be brushed, I know it’s an intimidating experience to be brushed! All of them would tried the best to escape as far as they could. I don’t know why they wanted to run because they would get caught eventually. The tiniest (female) always hid herself in the dark corner, smart she but still got caught at the end.

Until a few years later, they were very much grown-up and I could not let them to stay in the container anymore. There were no more rooms for their movement even though they were still very mild; they never bit me before. Mom and Dad said it’s time for them to go back home. I don’t know where is their home, but I know they should go back to their colony. So that one fine day, I asked my dad to accompany me to carry them all to the Titiwangsa lake. I put them one by one, first the night market tortise, then the female tortise and the last was Giant. I said a prayer for them and hope they will be doing good under the mother nature’s care. I asked dad if they will be eaten by the big fish or bigger tortise. My dad said every animal has survival ability, their instinct will help them to survive in the wilderness. I was sad but there’s nothing I could do since I had made such big decision to let them go. Once a while I still think if they are still there in the lake, I only worried about the tiniest tortise.

Pet’s death was the only death I dealt so far.

God, please give me your grace to lead me through the difficult times if I would have to deal with it again.

Been through many somber nights lately, I don’t know where am I heading to. Where is my direction? What do I need to do? What am I called to complete when I am still alive in this world?

This space is meant to be my private corner where I can babble but it has then become a place I can no longer express freely. I doubt about my blogging ability, to publish my own thoughts and ideas at least in a flawless manner. I am still trying to learn how to get away with all these doubts, one of the biggest struggles to blog would be my poor vocabulary. Hey, the world is watching you in regardless of whether you blog for your own pleasure or you’re blogging for other’s leisure. Unlike him, he knows damn well that only 20% of his blog is for others to read. He knows well enough in what topic to blog about. I think I will be dropped dead if I was asked to be a writer or journalist.

I suppose life is about learning new things every day and taking courage to accept the unchangeable things in life. I talked to a few experts in the media industry lately, up from PR practitioner, editor for magazine, news anchor, video editor, content editor, newspaper reporter and journalist about my passion in this field. Some told me to be bold and step forward, some asked me to hold on and think about the real passion I have in media. Then I will know if I can sustain in whichever I choose for. Ask myself, do I have the courage to take up an offer from this industry if any or choose to be complacent of what I am doing now.

That’s life, at least my life for now.