:: jotting the lines ::

Am I in love now?

Counting the flower petals now…opps…last petal showed not in love. Not so accurate, let’s flip and tear the yellowpages and see….. ahhh….looked positive to me. But still now satisfied of the result, ah ha, maybe a bowl of rice can tell the answer.
…Pt 1…

Oh gosh…it must be something wrong, something terribly wrong in me. How can I converse in British accent now? What even worse is… How can I like listening to people who converse in British accent? Don’t you find it strange? I mean I must be insane to like British shows and movies. *sweat*

i guess you certainly know which British actor I like the most?

Love Actually? Pride and Prejudice? Can you recall? Opps That is not a movie name, a question actually.
Ermmm…let’s see, Nanny McPhee? Ok! Bridget Jones’s Diary, Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason…Now you know who that is - Colin Firth.

I really enjoy his filmography and of course, have fantasized of having a husband like him. Just like every time when I watch Bridget Jones, I just can’t help myself imagining to have a husband like Mark Darcy whom very well-played by Colin. Probably its the similarity I find in BJ (yes, the plumpness, definitely not the breasts hanging out of my dress ) that hoping one day I could also find a lover like Mark.

One of his favourite quotes to BJ - “I love you just the way you are“. Awww how sweet…gentlemen don’t get me wrong. We are not feeling insecured even if you don’t say it, just a affirmation of words will do.
I heard a friend said this before, if you like Caucasian - aim for British. They are sweet and homeboy. Those were all her experiences having the British love affairs. Erm, though it wasn’t of my taste few years back, maybe for the time being now.
Ok, time to go back to my repeated British show now .

My mom is going away again this year, guess she won’t be back until next year. Thus for safety reason, she had her medical check-up yesterday before flyng off. Just to make sure her health status is good enough for her to stay in a foreign country. So, she asked me to accompany her to the clinic and get her results explained by the GP.

I followed her into the consultation room and quietly sat down to listen to the result. As the doctor go through her profile, I realised her thyroid screen is slightly higher than the normal and her lipid profile doesn’t reflect good too. So then the doctor explained her moodiness and frustrations over some small matter are due to thyroid. All these while I only know my mom through another angle - fussy, particular, hard to please, sensitive etc. I did not realise it is mostly contributed by her hormones until explained by the doctor. And the reason she always complained about her neckache, shoulder ache, back ache are also partly because of bad cholesterol.

I always thought her bittnerness was cultivated by her poor childhood or the post-WW2 effect. And being her daughter listening to her grandmother stories sometimes made me feel ‘why can’t you just stop whinning and complaining…move on please, we are living in a different century and different pace now.’
I hate it when she became over sensitive. Yes, you may see me being ungrateful. Perhaps I am really not a grateful child.

I felt guilty after listening to the doctor’s explanation. And even felt ashamed of what I have thought or judged about her. Time will pass, and I may be throwing tantrums to my kids or family when I get old. I may be even worse than my mom. It was a revelation that I have never thought of - Through physical body change will make one feel uncomfortable at times. I know I will burp if I have too much acid in stomach. I know I will get headache if I don’t drink enough water. I know I will burst my anger off if one don’t allow me to rest or sleep. But I did not know each organ will release some sort of chemistry if not functioning properly and it will cause discomfort to the body. Of course each ‘chemistry’ is given a medical term - ie HDL Cholesterol/ LDL Cholesterol etc. It’s after all a chain effect, argh… Nevermind, i guess it is still not too late to know.

Hmm…Sorry mom. I will try to know you from another new angle.